Commiting Suicide on Webcam

By Victoria Van Dyke - December 1st 2008.

Having attempted suicide myself several times over the years I must admit even I am repulsed by the idea of broadcasting my death on the internet via webcam.

Back when I wanted to kill myself (I don't any longer) it was because my life was a constant torment of bad memories. I just wanted to crawl into a hole and die, to never exist and I wanted my death to be as quick and painless as possible.

Last week Abraham K Biggs, a 19 year old from Broward County, Florida, took an overdose of sleeping pills while broadcasting himself live on Justin.tv, a live video streaming web portal for people with webcams.

He used the nickname "Feels Like Ecstasy" on Justin.tv, and he was also a member of the bodybuilding.com forum where he used the nickname "CandyJunkie".

On Wednesday he went to the bodybuilding forum and made a post regarding the mixtures of pills he was going to take. The forum moderators did not take him seriously in light of his previous threats to commit suicide; while other forum users egged him on to carry out the threat.

Biggs then posted the following suicide note on the website:

"To Whom It May Concern,

I am going to leave this for whoever stumbles across my bookmarks later on.

I hate myself and I hate living. I think that if someone who knows me reads this they will know who I am. So I will leave this unsigned. I am an a--hole. I have let everyone down and I feel as though I will never change or never improve. I am in love with a girl and I know that I am not good enough for her.

I have come to believe that my life has all been meaningless. I keep trying and I keep failing. I have thought about and attempted suicide many times in the past. I used to think of my failure as some mystical way of telling me that I was really meant for something meaningful. The only thing I dread, besides the pain, is the way my family will suffer. I do not want my mother or father to think that it was anything they did that lead me to kill myself. I never really had any plans of leaving a note. I thought that I would not be able to describe why I want to do this and I am right. There is no way to tell you or anyone else why I dread every new day. My father had such high expectations for me and tried to give me every opportunity to improve upon myself. I let him down. I think that I am a major disappointment to him. I have a job but I?m always broke and I am in college but barely, I show up to class but that?s about it.

I want my life to end. I am tired of f---ing up everything. I am tired of people always telling me that they do not like me. I am tired of trying to be decent. I hope that someone finds this post and I hope that my parents know that I f---ed up not them. It is my fault I screwed up my own life.

The hate that rages within me, rages not for those I love so dearly or those who have crossed my path.

This hate rages full force towards me and only me.

I have long forgiven those who've hurt me, but I have not and cannot come to terms to forgive myself for the things I have done to myself, and the things I've done to hurt those in my life.

You have all touched my life in one way or another, especially those whom I call family.

I cannot tell you how sorry I am for ending my life the way I did. I hope that you can all find it in your heart to see it as way for me not suffering anymore and that I am finally at rest with myself, for being at rest with the guilt that constantly ate at me for so long.

Please forgive me all for taking my own life so early. I tried so hard to fight against this strong battle. I have reached out for help so many times, and yet I believe, I was turned away because of the things I did, that it is a punishment I am willing to take, for I know that being who I am has only brought myself and others pain.

I love you all and will forever live within the memories we created.

Forgive me.

Love always and forever,

As for my signature I will leave you with a quote so that if anyone reads this they will know it's me, "Can't feel pain if your dead? Just Saying""

Approx. 1,500 viewers watched as Biggs downed the fatal cocktail of pills. Many of the viewers even mocked him online for “faking it”, but after several hours of no movement did they finally start to take him seriously.

One of the members pleaded with the others to contact the police; sent an email to the Miami-Dade Police Department and called the police and was directed to the Broward County Sheriff’s Department.

The authorities arrived an hour later and after breaking down the door, switched off the webcam. Abraham K Biggs was declared dead by the Broward County medical examiner and the investigation in the suicide is underway.

Abraham Biggs was suffering from the bi-polar disorder and had frequently threatened to kill himself in the past. What’s shocking is that the camera feed had been streaming for 12 hours before the authorities finally got to him. That’s 12 hours where only a single person of the thousand plus viewers found it necessary to try and contact the authorities.

And this is not the first.

There are growing concerns about forums that encourage people to take their lives. In 2007 British man Kevin Whitrick, 42, hung himself while being witnessed by about 100 internet chatroom users.

Mr. Whitrick from Telford, Shropshire, killed himself after being flamed in an “insult” forum of the Paltalk website. One of the users is said to have told him, “F***ing do it. Get on with it.” According to a UK charity which works to prevent suicide, there have been 17 deaths in the United Kingdom involving chartrooms or websites that give information on suicide techniques.

The two cases highlight the darker side of the internet wherein people tend to loose their ethics under the cloak of anonymity. The witnesses are to walk away without any responsibility or personal guilt. It’s easy to look at the above incidents as the victims' fault for being mentally unstable in the first place, but encouragement is the last thing we suicidal people need.

Isolation, depression and encouragement from strangers to "just do it already" is not what we need at all.

Speaking from experience, what we need is new memories that show us how important life is, that life is worth living because of the good times, not the bad times, and that we have to seek out those good times through friends and family.

And for those people out there who think its funny to encourage someone to "just do it already"... sick. That is truly sick. This is not entertainment. This is people crying out for help.

Quotes about Suicide

“Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.” - Phil Donahue.

“Anyone desperate enough for suicide... should be desperate enough to go to creative extremes to solve problems: elope at midnight, stow away on the boat to New Zealand and start over, do what they always wanted to do but were afraid to try.” - Richard Bach.

“The most authentic thing about us is our capacity to create, to overcome, to endure, to transform, to love and to be greater than our suffering.” - Ben Okri.

“The real reason for not committing suicide is because you always know how swell life gets again after the hell is over” - Ernest Hemingway.

"Remember those assholes who teased you when you were younger and called you a loser? To hell with them. Suicide would be proving them right.” - Anonymous.